To know yourself, and be yourself is the only way we can serve others and lead a purpose-driven life, instead of one based on pretence and keeping up with the Joneses. It is also about not being afraid to show the world who you are. That just gains respect.
Don’t pretend (but you don’t have to explain either).
Don’t let anything about you be about pretense. Try not to fake anything. We’re not going to write a list of things because it can easily get legalistic. It is more about the principle of “not faking”. (ie.: Audrey Hepburn wouldn’t even fake the size of her chest by wearing a push up bra). Some traditionalists think faking hair color, eye color, plastic surgery is all a no-go. I’m not that extreme. I mean, I love highlighting my hair and I love extreme mascara for my Asian lashes.
The point is, be a genuine person. Sure, if you love make up and stuff, go for it! There is a difference between loving an item because you think it’s very YOU, and not because it is of a certain brand that all the socialites carry. You can always ask yourself, “does this thing (or doing whatever thing) reflect me accurately?”
I remember watching an interview of Benjamin Millepied (Natalie Portman’s husband) on YouTube. He quickly clarified with the journalist that he owned a “one person company” (well, back then). He created that company in order to bill other companies for his choreographic work and accounting purposes. He did not have staff working for him. He felt it was important to portray himself accurately. He wasn’t a big businessman with a big company. I remembered thinking how humble he sounded. Why didn’t he let the reporter think he is more successful than he actually was? (Maybe because he already married Natalie Portman..?)
So even if you aren’t proud of what you have or are right now, practice saying matter-of-factly. You don’t need to fake-smile or laugh, neither do you have to reveal your circumstances in a way that makes others uncomfortable but hold your dignity. Neither do you have to explain or talk about anything you are uncomfortable with.
Get to know yourself
In our different stages of life, we all have different levels of self-awareness. Learn to get to know yourself again like you would to someone interesting. Take some fun questionnaires that may bring different perspectives of yourself.
You may discover or realize what your true strengths are and where your passions lie. Try to think of them as your special secret super power, ones that God has blessed you with. Hone them even more! Be proud of what you have, make the best of it. Let those things be part of your identity. They are real, they are yours, they are you.
Don’t be embarrassed. Learn to say “SO WHAT?”
We all have stuff in our lives whose memory of it makes us cringe. Sometimes this embarrassment ONLY lives in our head. Sometimes what we feel embarrassed about is NOTHING to be embarrassed about! This means that after we “confess” or reveal our embarrassment, we soon realize that no one ELSE finds it embarrassing. It was all such self-perception and self-torture. So we made a mistake. So we’re a little overweight. So we may not be married, or have kids or we got divorced again. Maybe we got let go or fired again.
This is how you should respond
SO WHAT?
So what if we have all those things and made all those mistakes? So what? We have our mistakes, and everyone else will have their own. We are not all here to judge, and why bother? There are too many things in life that need our attention. Stop feeling embarrassed right now and just respond with “SO WHAT?”
Practice speaking about such stuff in a matter-of-fact and in a non-embarrassing way. Don’t need to hide for 20 years just because your life didn’t turn out in in the way you expected (it never does, does it). After a while, you will find that the confidence grows!
So what if I can’t afford luxury items? So what if I drive a bomb (cranky old car)? So what if I’m not friends with the rich and famous (like you are)? So what if I don’t dine at fine dining restaurants etc..?
There will always be people who enjoy boasting and bragging – for what, I don’t know. Maybe it is to feel superior. Their low-self esteem makes them feel the need to constantly elevate themselves. But don’t let them get to you, that is on them. You choose to be proud of yourself and what you have done with what you’ve been given. Be yourself, be positive and don’t be afraid of being authentic. You can still lead a meaningful, purposeful life no matter what your circumstances. And living it in an authentic way is respectful and elegant.
The thing is…You don’t need money to be authentic. You just need a positive outlook on life and self love.
Let everything about you reflect accurately who you are.
One doesn’t need to pretend to be successful or intelligent or popular or whatever. There is increasing temptation to do so as we live in a world of curated images via social media. If someone assesses and values you in a superficial way then really, they probably aren’t anyone worth getting to know.
Have a dream to be the best version of who you are, the way God has designed you. Don’t try to be like someone else or live someone else’s life. Explore your strengths and talents and LIVE IT! Commit to be authentic, and I believe you will find greater joy and happiness in living an honest and elegant life, making the best of everything.
